you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
