So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
