i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
