If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Shame is for Republicans.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
