i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
