I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
