proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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