I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
