You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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