Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
