I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is this like a preordered booty call?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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