Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
