She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
