Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
