I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
