I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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