I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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