there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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