My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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