I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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