I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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