just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
