No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
