I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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