I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
