I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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