I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
