I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
