I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
