ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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