I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
