if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize