i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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