I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
