i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
