no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
