Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
