you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
