Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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