I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
