And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
