I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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