Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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