Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
