we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
