U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
