We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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