I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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