I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my shit smells like andre
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
