Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
