He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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