Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
