$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
