Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The power of my boobs compel you
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
