like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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