Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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