Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
