Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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