what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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