She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
