You just made me feel so damn special
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
