New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
