nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
