You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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